


Leave Me among the Abandoned

by TheArtofAbandonment



Category: Hetalia - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Lemon, M/M, PTSD, USUK - Freeform, hetalia AU, usuk smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 00:52:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3309614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArtofAbandonment/pseuds/TheArtofAbandonment
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I wish I had know he was going to leave. I never would've said what I said and done what I had done. I would've never told him I loved him."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I honestly never minded being alone. I mean, I had friends, but it's not like they ACTUALLY liked me. I was just... There.   
It felt so wrong. The day I saw him I was sure he was my age- taller than me, with messy blonde hair and gigantic blue eyes. As I later found out, his name was Alfred Jones, and he was 19 years old.   
Age didn't matter to me much. I just felt odd about having feelings for him. The fact that this strange boy with the slightest hint of a southern accent seemed to give a shit about my well being.  
On my 25th birthday, he came to my house when everyone was gone on winter holiday. After months of seeing him on campus and at parties and being friends, we grew closer.  
I trusted him.  
Why... Why was I so stupid?

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

It was long past midnight, and we were sitting in my apartment, watching horror movies, per Alfred's request. At some point, he had turned off the television. I didn't notice because I was too busy being intrigued by his perfectly chiseled face. I would never admit how beautiful he was.  
"Hey, Art? You okay?" He stared down at me, and I felt my face heaten.  
"Wha- YEAH! Er.... I-I'm... Fine.... Great, brilliant, amazing.... Wonderful..." I managed to sputter out.  
He stared at me for a moment. "Do you have a fever?"  
"A... A fever? N-no!"  
"Your face is red."  
"No it's not!" I stood up abruptly, and he sat in silence for a moment.   
"Wait...... Art... Fuck..." He breathed, realization hitting his face. I blushed harder, but said nothing.  
I should've known not to get tangled with a guy like him. He was trouble. I was a prissy British gentleman.  
But damn... He was hot...  
Maybe it wouldn't have ended the way it did if I had just denied him, or said no.  
But I didn't. It only took minutes before my screams laced the silence, and he was over me, he was causing this incredible fire to rise up in my abdomen. Every thrust was greater than the last, and it felt as if the pleasure was unbearable. Sure, I had done this before, but Alfred was... Incredible. It wasn't until after we had reached our climaxes, after we had sat in a silence filled with sweat and lust, that I realized he wasn't going to stay.  
He didn't even say goodbye. He didn't say a single word. He didn't leave a note. Not a nod or wave. He just left. As if I wasn't worth staying for.  
It wasn't until that moment that I came to terms with the fact that Alfred Jones didn't love me.   
I felt as if my lungs had been torn from my chest. I couldn't even cry- like he had taken with him the part of me that was capable of emotion. I couldn't even feel anything. I was numb. There was a steady pain in my head, due to the fact that I had nothing to eat or drink in 24 hours. I had gotten up twice. Once to get dressed and once to throw my phone out the window when someone kept calling. I felt as if it was a matter of time until I died, and I had accepted that. Most people tell you to move on, but sometimes, you can't. When you fall in love, and are practically raped by that person? Forget it. Do whatever the hell you want. The rules of moving on don't apply to you.   
I used to be a big believer in living life to the fullest but now I didn't see any point. Because love- that amazing, irreplaceable, so desired concept- wasn't real. It didn't exist.  
And without the one thing I wanted, the one person I wanted, I had given up.


	2. Chapter 2

After a few days of barely eating (which I forced my self to do) and being unable to sleep or leave the house, my door was practically kicked down by Matthew Williams- Alfred's brother. I was surprised that he was so strong, albeit he was the quietest person I knew.  
"What's going on, Art, why are you-" he looked at me for a moment. "What happened to you?"  
I shook my head, not even answering. There were dark circles under my eyes, and I was pale and sickly skinny, my light blonde hair a mess. My eyes were red and tears stained my cheeks.  
"Arthur..." He trailed off, touching my arm. I tensed, drawing in a sharp breath. "What happened? Are you hurt?"  
I shook my head once more. "Your brother," I managed to choke out after a moment. I could even bear to say his name.  
"Alfred? What did Al do?"  
I only stared in silence.  
"Did he hurt you?"  
I shook my head, but unsurely this time. Matthew pulled out his phone and dialed numbers that I assumed were to contact Al. I walked away, not wanting to hear the conversation.  
"AL! What did you do? I'm at Arthur's house- YES HE'S OKAY, NO THANKS TO YOU! NO, he did NOT TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. But I do know that YOU were involved. HE WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME. He CANT SPEAK. IF I TOUCH HIM HE IS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS. I... Don't know what you did... But I know that you... You hurt him.............. Wait- You and Arthur...? YOU JUST LEFT? I DONT CARE ABOUT WHAT YOUR REASONING WAS. FORGET THAT. YOU ARE THE MOST TERRIBLE PERSON... SHUT UP ALFRED!"  
I heard a phone slam on the table. There were footsteps, and Matthew was sitting next to me in seconds. "I'm sorry... I didn't know that he did that to you... I'm so sorry."  
I bit my lip, a rush if tears coming to my eyes.  
"But Arthur, listen..."  
I clenched my jaw, knowing what was coming.  
"You haven't known him that long. I know you two had a great connection, but forget him. He doesn't deserve you." I felt a pang of guilt. I was like a pitiful female protagonist in a cliché. I shook my head, angry.  
"Forget that. I can't forget him, what he did. How he made me feel. I can't forget but I can ignore. Just do me a favor and tell him that I hate him. Don't say anything else. Just that. I would tell him myself, but I threw my mobile out the window two days ago."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was so excited to write more for this I decided to keep going. I just finished watching the series finale of Red Band Society so I am mentally broken- sorry...


	3. Chapter 3

"How long have you known Alfred?"  
Matthew had called over his friends, Gilbert and Elizaveta. Eliza bombarded me with questions while Gilbert sat around drinking beer. Knowing his terrifying German brother, I wasn't surprised that he wasn't interested.  
"I've known h-him.... For s-six months..." I was able to speak now, but not very much.  
"SIX MONTHS?" Gilbert jumped up, suddenly interested. "YOU'RE CRYING OVER A MAN THAT YOU'VE ONLY KNOWN FOR SIX MONTHS?" I bit my lip at these words.  
"Er...." I stuttered.  
"How long were you two dating?" He blurted out. Eliza looked down, knowing the answer.  
"They weren't, Gil... Alfred raped him. They had no previous relationship."  
The room grew silent. Gilbert looked at me for a moment and lowered his voice. "I'm sorry."  
Eliza nodded at his apology, knowing too well that I would accept it. She looked back at me. "Do you want us to talk to him? Find out what happened?"  
I shook my head. "I already k-know what happened. He t-took advantage of me.... T-That's that." I said it quietly. Matthew walked inside. He had been called to work, reluctantly leaving me to Elizaveta's interrogation.  
"Matthew," Eliza said. She pulled him aside, lowering her voice so only he would hear what she said. I could only hear glimpses of the conversation- 'Alfred', 'hates him', and 'PTSD'. I shuddered at all of the phrases. Mattie looked at me nervously, checking his phone after a moment as he was receiving a call. He glared at the name before answering. Whoever was on the other line blurted something out and quickly hung up. Mattie stared at me nervously once more.  
"It was Al...." He trailed off. I winced at the name. I winced even more at what he said next. "He wants to see you..."  
I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes.  
"You don't have to, but... It might be good... For both of you. Just to figure things out," Eliza suggested.  
I didn't want to. Every bit of me told me it was wrong, but....  
"Fine. I..... I'll talk to him." My heart sank at my own reply, and I immediately wanted to take back what I said, but it was too late. Matthew nodded.  
"You two can meet at my house. That way, if anything goes wrong, Gil can get Al away from you. He won't hurt you, I promise." Eliza smiled. I nodded slowly, biting my lip nervously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH! The meeting..... I've been waiting to write this. I promise, there'll be more than a few plot twists...


	4. Chapter 4

I walked into Eliza's house, glancing around nervously.  
"He's not here yet," she said, walking out into the room. I jumped at the surprise, and she frowned. "Will you be okay?"  
I only nodded in response, unsure. Eliza noticed my tension and frowned again, looking up at hearing a knock on the door.   
"Is it... Is it him?" I asked, quietly. She nodded.   
"Gil and I are going to be in the other room the whole time. Don't worry." She walked to the door, opening it. I couldn't see his face, but I knew it was him. As he walked in, I immediately noticed his sunken in, dull blue eyes. He was pale, and skinnier than I remembered. His lips were cracked and cut from him nervously chewing on them. He looked at me and walked over quickly. Eliza had already left the room.  
"Arthur," he breathed, reaching for my arm. I tensed.  
"Please d-don't touch m-me," I stuttered. He drew in a shuddered breath, tears forming in his eyes.  
"I'm sorry.... I messed up... I just..."  
"Al," I cut him off. "Don't lie to me. Just... Just do me that much. Tell me the truth."  
He nodded. "Art, I was afraid that you didn't feel the same way, so I left, and it took all of my courage not to turn back, because I like you a lot and I didn't want you to hate me, and I care about you-"  
"BULLSHIT!" I jumped up. "You're lying-"  
"No. Art, I swear. I... I shouldn't have... But......."   
"Alfred," I pleaded. My voice cracked, and I sat back down, my legs weak. "I... I loved you..."  
"No no no no no..... Arthur..... Fuck Art, I don't want you to say that in past tense..." He stared at me with widened eyes.  
"After what you did...."  
"Give me another chance," he blurted out. I looked up at him, sighing. "Please, I promise. One chance. If I can't change your mind after a few weeks, you can leave me. I'll stop bothering you. But one chance. It's all I need. Please, Arthur."  
I sat in silence for a moment. If I said yes, it'd mean that maybe he'd be different. Maybe..... But the risk was too much..... No....  
"Okay," I said, quietly. He bit his lip, forcing a small smile. He knew I didn't completely trust him yet. I looked down at my hands, silent.  
"Tomorrow. 5. There's a bookstore down the road from here. Meet me there." He began to lean in to give me a hug, but stopped, noticing my tense body. Alfred sighed. "I'm sorry."  
Sorry..... Sorry wouldn't make those memories go away... Nothing would...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said I'd add plot twists and there weren't any in here, but there will be some eventually. I promiseeeeeee. *sigh* so tiredddd... Anyways, please comment or email me at theartofabandonmentao3@gmail.com


	5. Chapter 5

I didn't want to give him another chance. I had just planned on getting away from him, but here I was, in the book store at five. He was late, as I had expected. He came running in at 5:07, panting and sputtering out apologies. I sighed but didn't say anything.  
"So I figured you liked books, since you always read during the lectures. Am I right?" He smiled. I frowned.  
"Damn it... You noticed I was reading? I wanted the professor to think I was paying attention."  
"Too late now, dude." His loud voice rang through the building, and I raised an eyebrow.  
"Couldn't you lower your voice?"  
"Only for you, Art," he said, slightly quieter. I rolled my eyes. Just a day ago he was sobbing at my feet, and now he was being the biggest flirt in London.   
I looked away, tears forming. The fact that he was so close, almost touching me, was terrifying. He noticed, and stepped back.  
"Art, you said you'd give me a chance..." I looked up to see his huge, blue eyes filling with tears of his own.  
"I know, Al.... It's just hard... I mean, it was like you raped me.... I was terrified-" I was cut off by his lips smashing against mine.  
I pulled away, unable to speak. My mind was in a hundred places at once but the only thing that stood out was the fact that his arm was in my waist and he was right there and he was the one that had hurt me and everything went blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess that was a slight plot twist? Anyways, don't worry, Arthur will be okay. Maybe. Heheh.... *evil plotting* anyways, comment and kudos!


	6. Chapter 6

"Arthur." The voice was distant, firm and pleading. Trying to wake me up. I drew in a sharp breath, opening my eyes. I immediately knew, the second the scent of pine trees and Axe registered in my brain- I was in his house. I jumped up, remembering what had happened at the book store. I had passed out from utter fear. The second I reached for the door, Alfred opened it from the other side. He stared at me.  
"You're awake? How are you feeling?" I whimpered at the sound of his voice. He bit his lip. "I'm sorry about earlier... You've only been out for a few minutes. I took you straight here and decided to let you rest. I know I shouldn't have kissed you, but.... Listen, it just happened... I'm sorry."  
I only nodded. "I don't blame you."  
He smirked. "Rather cocky, are we?"  
"I didn't mean it that way," I stated, rolling my eyes. He smiled, anxiously playing with his hands.  
"So you forgive me?" He asked, his voice quieter. I nodded in response. I didn't trust him completely. Not yet. But this was a huge step of progress. I leaned forward and hugged him- the most intimate gesture I could manage. He smiled and held tightly onto me, blushing. I sighed, stepping back.  
"Have a wonderful evening, Alfred," I said, warmer than my usual professional tone.  
"You too, Art." He smiled again and turned to open the front door for me. A long drive in silence, by myself. I fell face first onto my bed the second I walked into my apartment.  
"That bloody git's making me fall for him again..."


	7. Chapter 7

Oh how I wanted to hate him. No, I couldn't fall for that bastard after what he did. But god, I wanted to.  
Love. Hated the stuff. Emotions always threw me off a bit. Yeah, I felt them. But I never enjoyed feeling them. They made me vulnerable.  
He continued to say he loved me, but no, I couldn't believe something like that. Apologies were scattered throughout the days, innumerable and meaningless. Maybe he actually thought I'd forgive his sorry ass.  
But I didn't.  
I wouldn't.  
Ever.  
Mattie and Eliza kept checking in on me, and Gil still watched from a distance. He hated Al, for more reasons that what he did to me, so he didn't trust him at all.  
I liked to consider Gil my friend.  
He acted like it. We drank beer late at night and watched movies and talked about college (which I had recently graduated) and work (I worked at a local bookstore).  
Al was in college, with a job at a comic book store. It was nearby his apartment, and he liked being able to walk home.  
He usually listened to the Foo Fighters on rough days. Sometimes I'd walk by his house on my way to my apartment, which was close-by, and I'd hear his favourite song blasting- Stranger Things have Happened. These were usually the tough days at work. Those were the days he called and asked me to come over. I always had an excuse to not go. And I felt guilty. Yes, guilty. But not regretful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been updating! Y'know, school, work, life and such.


	8. Chapter 8

"Art-"  
'Please don't ask please don't ask please don't ask-'  
"Can you come over? It's been a bad day, and I got some rum from the store. I know it's your favourite. Please?"  
'Don't give in, don't listen!'  
"I know it's a lot to ask...."  
'What do I say? I can't go...'  
"Okay."  
Fuck. My own mouth defied me. And now I had gotten myself into a mess.  
"Really?"  
No going back now.  
"Yeah."  
I threw on a coat and shoes and made my way to the car. Ugh. Part of me despised Alfred. But the rest of me?  
I don't even know. It was a mixture of attraction and forgiveness and confusion. I found myself at his door, despite my internal wishes. It took a while to build up the courage to knock. But I did in the end.  
He opened the door. I expected him to smile as he usually did. But not today.  
There were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked terribly emotionally beaten. I asked what was wrong, and he refused to answer.  
Oh well.  
Music blared, and he handed me a glass of rum. I sighed at his silence and drank, making sure I didn't drink too much. I didn't want to be drunk around Al, and plus, I wasn't in the mood for a hangover.  
It was quiet, despite the loud music. The air was free from Alfred's loud voice.  
And once more, I had to ask.  
"Alfred.... Are you alright?"  
He cringed as tears sprung up to his eyes.   
"What happened?"  
He shook his head, covering his face.  
"My boss... She..... Fuck........"  
"What did she do?"  
He threw his hand from his face, and I saw the redness of his bloodshot eyes and his unsureness.  
"She sexually assaulted me."  
There was silence. Even the music stopped, as if it knew, although it was explained by the speaker stopping or the record skipping.  
"It's happened before. But this time it was worse. She hit me and said she'd fire me, and I need this job to pay the bills, and-"  
I took out my phone. "I'm calling the police."  
Al didn't try to stop me. He knew that I wouldn't listen.  
"What's her name? Your boss."  
"Ana Braginsky."  
I nodded and dialed the police.  
I imagined what Alfred was thinking.  
"Yes, my boyfriend's boss sexually assaulted and threatened him. Her name is Ana Braginsky."  
The phone call ended after a back and forth with the police. Alfred stared at the floor with an empty stare.  
"Art?"  
"Yeah."  
"You called me your boyfriend."  
Silence.  
"Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I apologize for the delayed chapter. Also... Sorry to make Russia the bad guy. Don't worry, I love Russia to pieces, but his (now her) character fits what I need. I love you guys! I promise I'll try to update soon, okay? Au revoir~

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first smut/lemon ish scene (per request of my girlfriend) and I'm not sure if you guys will like it but hopefully you will. There is much to come after this, no worries. I'm sorry if it seems that I'm rushing the plot but this rushing is actually necessary for the story so just hang in there. Tell me what you think about this story or if you have story requests at theartofabandonmentao3@gmail.com


End file.
